Beth reminded me of something last week. I'm paraphrasing, but it went like this:
"You know, as actors that sing, we learn how to eek out an arc right away. We think we're doing the right thing, in order to tell the story; but I had a very smart teacher in grad school that asked me to simply think about each word as I was singing it. Just one word at a time. When you do that, the story takes care of itself."
When she said that, it immediately reminded me of a very tedious (but extremely useful) exercise that I learned in Patsy's class. Basically, you intone each word in your monologue like a meditative "om" and you don't move on to the next word until you've coined a meaning or discovered several options within the word thru the lens of your character.
Trust me when I tell you: it is tedious. A half page monologue can take hours to work through.
Yet, what happens to me every time I do this exercise is that I discover how much I don't know. I think I know a word, but do I really know what that word means? I circle it and move on. Later, when I look up the circled words, I always find out that I have an incorrect definition in my mind or my definition is not specific enough.
I've been preparing to go into rehearsals for Pericles and all this has been on my mind for a few days now.
When actors first get their scripts, the usual homework is to go through the pages and figure out the "wants" of the assigned character and the basic arc of the story. If you are a particularly vain actor (heh), maybe the first first thing you do is count your lines and compare how many you have to those of your colleagues - but! - everyone writes out these little "roadmaps" for themselves during the first week of rehearsal. One might even create a back story or snoop around to see what other characters say about their character and let that inform the behavior they create. It's all well and good to do this work.
But there comes a point in the creative process where the actor has to let go of all of that written stuff. As we go about our day in "real life" do we constantly refer to reams of paper with penciled in scribbles of information? No. We don't.
In real life, when you see policeman walking up your driveway, or when the phone rings at 3am, or when your significant other sits across a diner table and glumly pulls "We need to talk" out of left field...do you quickly scan your history with this person, or the current "wants" or "goals" of the moment, or examine the arc of what's happening? Probably not.
Everyone has had those "I remember it like yesterday" moments and they come from being completely out of your head. 100% present.
So, while doing actor homework is a great exercise, everything really boils down to Being Here Now. One word at a time. I think if you want to be an actor (nay, a person!) known for your authenticity, you have to be willing to let go of all the work you've done.
To add another very human layer to that thought: you have to be willing to not be noticed or lauded for all the work you've done.
You just have to trust and be totally present.
Oh! This is something I have struggled with for over 20 years. I want to show everyone what a good girl I am at doing my homework. Ironically, this keeps me from doing really good work. I KNOW. It is something I am (painfully) aware of and (always...) working on.
