Pursued By A Bear

Brush-a, Brush-a, Brush-a!

I had this up on facebook for about 2 minutes before I took it down because it requires a backstory, lest you think I am the mad woman in the attic.

The veterinarians here in NYC are really into dental care. I've taken my cats to more than one vet, so I can't say "It's just my vet" and then go to another because I think it's kinda weird...? They all seemed to be really into good teeth.

Their theory is that if you keep the gums healthy, less bacteria will get into the blood stream and the animal will have better health overall. The idea is that diligence in preventative care will keep the pet owner from having to shell out thousands for, say, kidney trouble later on. I love this idea in theory, but it's mostly lip service on their end and high maintenance on mine.

First of all, you are expected to show up for a yearly check-up. And lemme just say this about that: I never took my animals to the vet AT ALL for check ups when I was a kid! I only took them when they were already sick. Perhaps times have changed?

Then, they weigh your animal and if he/she's overweight, you get assigned a special diet (yup, I have special kibble for Peanut, who has also been diagnosed with "allergies" and eats organic high protein wet food as well. Eye roll.) 

Then, they ask about frequency of ear-cleaning and teeth-brushing (should be 3 times a week) and if your skills aren't up to par, they schedule your animal for a professional cleaning...to the tune of roughly $300.  This is because it's basically gum-scaling - i.e. surgery - and they have to bring in an anesthesiologist. 

No. I'm not kidding.

Of course, if you balk at the cost and trouble (as I have in the past), you get the "If You Can't Take Good Care of Your Pets, You Shouldn't Have Them" speech. 

It's easier to just humor the vet. Just brush the teeth and clean the ears like they taught you at the check up.  It takes less than 5 minutes. 

My cats are age 6 and age 5 and I've only had to do the professional cleaning once for each cat. I had Sonnie's teeth cleaned when I first adopted him. He was such a colossal mess of health care issues at that time. I just had everything major done in one fell swoop with that one. Now he's super healthy. He has a great mouth and probably won't need a professional cleaning ever again.

Unfortunately, Peanut has bad genes. He gets stinky breath if we don't stay on top of the teeth brushing. I lasped for a few months last year and he wound up having a rotten tooth pulled when Fred finally took him in for his check up. I'll probably have to get Peanut a professional cleaning every 2 years or so for the rest of his life. He's a British shorthair.  Insert your bad teeth jokes here:

Groovy, baby.

You can walk into any pet supply store in the city and find a myriad of toothbrushes, dental rinses and tooth paste flavors. I'm obviously not the only New Yorker sitting at home and brushing my cat's teeth.

 

I showed this video to my sister, who lives in Texas, and she was all:

"My cat will be 17 years old in May.  I have never brushed his teeth.  He is still alive."

What's it like for you, fellow pet owners - to brush, or not to brush?

4th Rehearsal - getting to know you

So the answer to my casting angst is:

No. We do not know which roles we are playing in Pericles...yet.

The co-directors have many ideas about how things might go.  Does that sound vague enough for you? Hah!

It's true: when an actor hears that "They went in a different direction" feedback after an audition, they would do well to just accept that at face value. Right now, the casting for our show can go down several different bunny trails -- each would lend a different flavor to the show. So what will it be? Chocolate chip or Rocky Road? Casting a role can be a bit like standing in front of the counter at 31 Flavors and only being allowed to choose ONE.

Upon charting out of several options ("Cast A would look like this...or Cast B could look like this...then again, what do you think if we tweaked this and this?"), the co-directors decided to call us all in for another work session instead of officially setting the cast list at this time. 

Last night's rehearsal was less of the group exercises (although you know we did that blasted "zip, schwartz, svigliano" for, like, 20 minutes. Oh. Serenity now, y'all.)

We spent most of our time playing with scenes from the show.  We had seven actors in attendance and we rotated the casting every time we ran a scene to keep things fresh and to add new ideas as they popped up.

For example, our work with the fisherman scene in Act II moved swiftly last night as the directors called out some inspirations as they watched the "big picture" from the audience.  At one point, had our own little "Occupy the Wharf" protest going on with our three fisherman: two were drumming the floor while another got up on a chair to preach about the great chasm between the rich and the poor:

Fisherman 1: Alas, poor souls, it grieved my heart to hear what pitiful cries they made to us to help them, when, well-a-day, we could scarce help ourselves.  

Fisherman 2: Nay, master, said not I as much when I saw the porpus how he bounced and tumbled? they say they're half fish, half flesh: a plague on them, they ne'er come but I look to be washed. Master, I marvel how the fishes live in the sea.

Fisherman 1: Why, as men do a-land; the great ones eat up the little ones: I can compare our rich misers to nothing so fitly as to a whale; a' plays and tumbles, driving the poor fry before him, and at last devours them all at a mouthful: such whales have I heard on o' the land, who never leave gaping till they've swallowed the whole parish, church, steeple, bells, and all.

 

What a fun little Shakespearean wink to modern life. I was one of the performers who happened to be onstage when one of the directors yelled "Occupy!" right before we started the scene. The energy immediately picked up and we all got a little twinkle in our eyes. I can't speak for the others, but for me...? It was so much fun to act out all the Occupy Wall Street data that my actor brain has been absorbing for the last six weeks.

I feel like we gave ourselves a good first stab at listening to the fishermen and figuring out what they are about, even though they aren't leading roles. Our exercise may or may not make it into the final show, but it was an exploration of circumstances. The fishermen only appear in one brief scene, but their point of view represents "the masses" and requires a response by a few major characters throughout the play. So, I think it's a good idea to work at this kind of stuff and not just say, "Oh, they're only fishermen"-- they matter just as much as any other part. 

(In fact, some of my favorite roles have been nameless Messengers, Soldiers, Lords or Ladies-in-waiting. There's freedom in not having to answer to a long list of given circumstances in the script.)

And so the ensemble work continues apace. I have seen growth in others and I am able to name areas of growth in myself. That's good stuff! Earlier this week, I was introduced to a quote that speaks to me right now. Allow me to share:

"We become who we are in conjunction with other people becoming who they are."

-- David Brooks, The Social Animal

Play ON!

Lily and Bryan delve into a scene from Pericles, Prince of Tyre

 

3rd Rehearsal - fail on purpose

Oh. You know.

I want to write this entry, but I also don't.  Rehearsal had it's ups and downs last night.  We have not received casting information yet, so we are doing a lot of ensemble and improv exercises.  I think this is a good thing because we are having to explore a whole lot of "not knowing" -- both as a group and within ourselves.

Not knowing is hard. I am a little worried that once casting assignments go out, we will all default back to old habits instead of continuing to be in a not knowing place.  I hope that won't happen.  I don't feel like I've had quite enough of this "not knowing what part I'm playing yet" phase of the process yet. I'm trying to process a lot of new information and I'm afraid it won't stick. 

I heard a rumor that casting is happening right now as I type. I don't know if this rumor is truly true or if the casting will occur, but The Powers That Be will refrain from releasing the cast list just yet...? Or if I'll log on to my email at a random moment this weekend and - surprise - this is what I'm doing for the show. Like, "Okaaaay, so this is what I'll be living with until (gulp) Spring 2012." I just don't know.

Oh, hey! Here's what I do know: I get to snuggle up to failure every time we do an improv exercise. And we've been doing them a lot lately. This is painful and brilliant. I am a colossal mess when it comes to improv games. I can't even put a sheen on things to make it look like I know what I am doing.

Example: we were doing a game called "zip, schwartz, svigliano" last night. I think the best way to explain it is to say that it's an advanced form of "zip, zap, zop".  You guys....? I'm pretty sure "zip, schwartz, svigliano" might kill me before the end of this show. Yep, I'm pretty sure I still won't have the hang of it by April 2012. 

I get the "zip" part (sending energy across the room)and I sorta get the "schwartz" part (it's a bounce back), but the "svigliano" is a FAKE OUT and the responsibility goes back to the person before the person who said "svigliano" and OMG WHO WAS THAT AGAIN? I HAVE NO IDEA.

At one point during the rehearsal last night, I actually felt a lump in my throat and I said to myself, "Do. Not. Cry."

I was trying so hard to get it but I couldn't get it. 

I know I should go easy on myself because I don't have a lot of experience with improv exercises and this was certainly the first time for me with the whole advanced "schwartz/svigliano" aspect....but, JAYSUS. I am a bright individual.  Why can't I just get it a little bit so I can at least make everyone else believe that I can sort of do it? So revealing.

Here's a fine kick in the teeth that's unrelated/related: right now I'm in a group that's beta testing a book that hasn't been released yet. This morning I was studying for the discussion time for next week and THIS came up in my reading:

The cure for ego is humility.

So there you go. I'm all up in my humility right now.

2nd Rehearsal - on the same page

I didn't write about our first Pericles rehearsal last Tuesday night because I wasn't pleased with how it went. I wasn't sure of how candid I could be about it here on the blog without talking to my colleagues first, either. I decided to keep my own counsel for a few days and discuss my feelings with the company at a regular business meeting that we had scheduled for Thursday night. It was the right thing to do. I found out that everyone in the company had different idea of what was expected at the first rehearsal. I also realized that I can't get mad about people not (in my opinion) "bringing it" because I never expressed my expectations in the first place. What a great lesson for me.

This week, our co-directors, Jack and Natalie (pictured above) worked out a very specific on-your-feet plan for filling the four hour time slot. This worked for me because I like A PLAN. Also, there were a lot of relaxation/team-building exercises and I know that stuff is a necessary foundation, but it drives me nuts if it's presented in a gooey-schmooey way, i.e. nothing indicates that it's all building up to something greater. I prefer the leader(s) to be so confident in presenting those seemingly silly "hopping on one leg" type exercises that it makes me think, "Surely, this will inform something that we do ten minutes from now..." And then it does. And I'm happy. The end.

(I tend to have a bad attitude about crunchy-granola acting exercises when they don't seem to have a point.  Eh, pray for me.)

The rehearsal we had last night was shaped and prepared well. We all received an email on Sunday night with a specific request for four pieces of homework to be prepared at home before rehearsal.

By the end of our second night of rehearsal, we all felt like we had spent a few hours at the gym. A blissed out exhaustion.

What a difference it makes when we communicate with each other.

Duh.

I can't wait to get back to get my homework assignment this weekend and work with the company again next Thursday night.

Tapping the reserves

Lately, my morning pages have been a lot of poor-me-I-don't-have-enough-time-to-do-everything-I-want-to-do and poor-me-I-am-far-too-overscheduled. Blergh. This morning, I was complaining about wanting a couple more hours to myself. You see, I had previously committed the later part of my morning to a roundtable discussion at ART/NY. It started at 10am, which meant I had to leave my home at 9am, which meant I had to start getting ready for my day at 8am. On mornings where I don't have anything scheduled prior to going to work at my jobby-job, I can putz around the house until 11am. I'll be honest: I've had a very demanding week so far. I could've used a "putzy" morning.

However, I (wo)manned up and honored my commitment. Wow, I am so glad I did. I was able to have some thought-provoking conversations with over half a dozen of my peers in the off-off-broadway community. I left the event feeling energized about my life as an artist. I feel excited about producing work with my theater company. 

I had a 20 minute walk across town to get to my jobby-job, which afforded me some time to think about what just happened. My mind wandered over some interesting thoughts about energy and how I must learn to use it.

For example, I have asked several of my friends who have children:

"HOW do you DO it?"

I mean, not just in NYC...but AT ALL. Life is exhausting. Here's one of the best things about me that is also the worst: I want to be an expert at everything. It's so frustrating that I don't have enough hours in the day to pratice all the skills I would like to acquire at advanced profficiency. I can't even imagine what kind of fresh hell I'd be inviting into my life by starting a family and still trying to maintain my curiosity about So. Many. Things.

I'm not interested in making "child-rearing" my No. 1 creative project. I've tried to convince myself that I could do that, but I've searched my heart for years now and I don't think it's in me. I'm going to have to have theater projects. But that means, if I decide to have children, I am going to have to figure out how to juggle my double life very, veeeeeeery expertly. 

Every "parental" friend that I've queried has immediately replied: "Oh, you just do it. You just find the strength. It's in you. You just find it."

I got a little peek at that concept this morning. As I was leaving the ART/NY event, I realized that I felt great! How did I go from feeling totally maxed out at 7:30am (a mere half hour after getting out of bed!) to feeling excited and full of hope a few hours later?

I tapped into my reserves.

I'm thinking it must unlock itself when you choose to engage in the things you are passionate about. What do you think of that? My "parental" friends are passionate about their kids; Ergo, they find these cavernous reserves of strength inside themselves to make things happen for their kids. Does this concept transfer over into how I feel about making great art? I think so!

When I get around like-minded people and start dreaming about building really terrific theater companies and creating wonderful productions full of world-changing potential, I feel unstoppable.

source

Of course, now that I've identified it, I have a responsibility to it.

Ri-iiiight?

I have to show up for it. I must trust that I will be energized by making time for the things that matter to me. I must trust that my reserves will kick in no matter how tired or discouraged I feel.

(...the "having kids" thing is waaaay on the back burner, though.)

So now I wanna know....

...what makes YOU feel unstoppable?

What taps your reserves?

 

 

Be here now.

Beth reminded me of something last week. I'm paraphrasing, but it went like this:

"You know, as actors that sing, we learn how to eek out an arc right away.  We think we're doing the right thing, in order to tell the story; but I had a very smart teacher in grad school that asked me to simply think about each word as I was singing it. Just one word at a time. When you do that, the story takes care of itself."

When she said that, it immediately reminded me of a very tedious (but extremely useful) exercise that I learned in Patsy's class. Basically, you intone each word in your monologue like a meditative "om" and you don't move on to the next word until you've coined a meaning or discovered several options within the word thru the lens of your character.  

Trust me when I tell you: it is tedious. A half page monologue can take hours to work through.

Yet, what happens to me every time I do this exercise is that I discover how much I don't know. I think I know a word, but do I really know what that word means? I circle it and move on. Later, when I look up the circled words, I always find out that I have an incorrect definition in my mind or my definition is not specific enough.

I've been preparing to go into rehearsals for Pericles and all this has been on my mind for a few days now.

When actors first get their scripts, the usual homework is to go through the pages and figure out the "wants" of the assigned character and the basic arc of the story. If you are a particularly vain actor (heh), maybe the first first thing you do is count your lines and compare how many you have to those of your colleagues - but! - everyone writes out these little "roadmaps" for themselves during the first week of rehearsal. One might even create a back story or snoop around to see what other characters say about their character and let that inform the behavior they create.  It's all well and good to do this work.  

But there comes a point in the creative process where the actor has to let go of all of that written stuff.  As we go about our day in "real life" do we constantly refer to reams of paper with penciled in scribbles of information?  No. We don't.

In real life, when you see policeman walking up your driveway, or when the phone rings at 3am, or when your significant other sits across a diner table and glumly pulls "We need to talk" out of left field...do you quickly scan your history with this person, or the current "wants" or "goals" of the moment, or examine the arc of what's happening? Probably not.

Everyone has had those "I remember it like yesterday" moments and they come from being completely out of your head. 100% present.

So, while doing actor homework is a great exercise, everything really boils down to Being Here Now. One word at a time. I think if you want to be an actor (nay, a person!) known for your authenticity, you have to be willing to let go of all the work you've done.

To add another very human layer to that thought: you have to be willing to not be noticed or lauded for all the work you've done.

You just have to trust and be totally present.

Oh! This is something I have struggled with for over 20 years. I want to show everyone what a good girl I am at doing my homework. Ironically, this keeps me from doing really good work.  I KNOW. It is something I am (painfully) aware of and (always...) working on.

photo source